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Wednesday, 11 May 2011

P.S not sweet

TOnce upon a time a metal fairy was busy fighting some demons and juggling college and stuff. She was a tough little cookie and carried her fair share of battle scares. Then one night when she was taking a well earned break listening to some proper metal and getting the other kiind of sweaty she asked her mate Slam for a light, when she spied a metal knight who looked nothing like that bell end prince Charming who was a total pretty boy. The metal knight had lush long hair and big dark eyes and stripey sideburns, she dug his choice of armour...leather bikers jacket and his penchant for wearing clompy combat boots. Ummmm thought the fairy thay looks like the kind of sin i'd like to get all kinds of tangled up in. And so the story begins...

Ok given the contents of my blogs its possible to say that i'm percieved as sceptical when it comes to love. I've made points and written my theories on whether or not humans are meant to ''mate for life'' and have snorted and gawfawwed at ''Love'' and have been known to say it's just a bunch of chemicals. But from that little fairytale introduction its safe to say that I Kinky cupcake have been in love...once. Ladies and gents I hope you're sitting comfortably, whilst i'm sitting here thinking about how to introduce P.S not sweet this is what popped into my head; My silhouette wheeling a silver screen and projector out into a blacked out cinema and P.S not sweet popping up in black and white wearing a trilby and 20's style mac.I always felt like i'd known him in a past life like in the 20's or something, like he'd been a huge part of my life when we'd been other people in another time. I'm a believer in past lives, ever since I was knee high to a grasshopper. My grandad believed he was a Roman centurian in his not that I have a clue what a centurian is. So from the introduction you know how we met and essentially it was our mutual friend Slam that got us together. Before I go any further allow me to give you a visual of our leading man P.S not sweet is tall almost a foot taller than me, long brown hair, eyes that are sometimes the colour of espresso and at others are the colour of chocolate orange, great build and musicians hands(in other words I wanted them all over me...alot) and like I say in the intro he looked the epitome of bad boy and we had one hell of a time getting all kinds of tangled up in each other. After Slam had passed my number onto P.S not sweet he called me up and we spoke on the phone for two hours! Now it all soiunds rather smooth sailing. The thing is our first date started out disasterously. I remember being so nervous i'd barely eaten a thing all day. Then when we got there I barely said two words too him. Yep I was painfully shy. P.S not sweet if you're reading this do you remember taking me out into the stair well and asking me if I really wanted to be there? And my blurting out that I was shy? Ooooh dear. After that it went a heap loads better. God he used to make me feel like a myriad of butterflies had set up residency in my stomach when I saw him.

I'm going to spill the story behind the nickname i've given him in this blog. P.S not sweet is in actual fact very sweet and I used to tell him so, which of course he did not like I suppose it'd be like calling a cage fighter cute and fluffy in retrospect hahaha. And whilst he looked like the ultimate bad boy he had a heart of gold
Its very rare that I reveal my smushy side but here a few snippets and favourite memories and keep this under your hat but i'm a bit of a romantic heart(i'm sure at least one of you reached for a sick bucket then but meh lol) kisssing him in the rain...every girl deserves a Breakfast at Tiffanys moment (you know the rain moment if not watch it) thats just the tip of the iceberg. One night we were out the club we'd met in and he started blowing bubbles from his smiley keyring and said that I ''desrevedd to be surrounded by bubbles like a beautiful fairy'' and yes you really did say that. And when I had a seveere allergic reaction to hair dye and my face was all swollen, my scalp all scabby and pussing from the dye burns he didn't see an ugly mess he just saw me and in fact he even helped me wash my hair.
On valentines day when he handed me a cd case I was blown away. I thought he'd done a compilation of my favourite songs it was only when i'd put the cd in I realised he'd written me a song!!! And not a cheesey love song either a real love song. Everything from vocals, guitar to drum line wow! I still to this day remember the lyrics in the chorus but i'm being selfish with that memory and don't want to share it. Its the best gift i've recieved.
The first time we had sex we'd waited about two months before having actual sex...we'd pretty much done everything else and honestly it was so worth the wait by that point I had feelings going on for him so I think aided in making the most explosive sex. P.S not sweet was the first person I properly experimented with kink with it gave me an even bigger thirst for it, the more I fell for him the more intense and wild the sex got;-)
I'm not huge on material things but I do keep things that are important to me I have two memory boxes filled with train tickets, cards and even pistachio nut shells from dates, friends or journey's i've been on. I still have the birthday card he gave me and the handmade valentines card, the pics I took of him for my photography project some where in those boxes and the japanese stress relief balls which are in their little fabric box on my windowsill.

See mine and P.S not sweet's relationship might not have been everyones ideal but fuck it it worked for us. We saw each other at weekemnds and called during the week. We were two very creative and passionate people. Some would describe it as tempestuous, me well we were firey, and passionate and sure ok i'll admit it on occasion tempestuous but we argued about real shit, that was fueld by feeling...things that mattered. Back then almost 9 years ago I was a totally different person. I was so pissed off with the world and those that knew me back then would probably say I had every right to be. P.S not sweet taught me a valuable let people in once and awhile, and to trust them. Do you remember that december?....thank you.

I know people say that when you look back at previous relationships we dop so with rose tinted glasses on...not me never have done, I remember the great times and I remember the bad, the bad being my utter refusal to meet his parents (i was shit scared that they wouldn't like me) and the hideous halloween in TJs, when we first saw each other after we broke up and had a raging argument because of some bullshit my supposed friend had said (incidently I havn't spoken to her since apart from a curt hello) which resulted in my best friend picking me up to remove me and my lobbing my phone under the oncoming wheels of a transit van. Fuck me I swear we made the earth shake that night.

If you're wondering why on earth we still arn't together, this is why. We'd argue every time i'd bring up going to uni in Manc land since I moved from the shire when I was 15 my aim was to head back north for uni, i'd wanted to finish of my tec and then get a degree in Manc land in fine art. I couldn't see why he got so upset/ pissed off about it at the time all I could see was a lack of support. I never once stopped to see it from his point of view...that it would be turning our relationship upside down and into a long distance one, and it was a struggle to see each other as it was. I guesse I was pretty selfish back then. I was so cross. I broke up with him and honestly I regretted it the second the words crashed out of my mouth. But I couldn't take them back no matter how hard I tried as he wouldn't let me. So when I anhillated his heart I obliterated my own at the same time, i've never been much of a cryer but fuck me I cried for two weeks solid after. Whilst I regreted it at the time and for a long time after, I don't think I do now. Back then my life could've turned out so differently. See with P.S not sweet I wanted it all, all of the conventional things, to go to uni, to have a career in art, get married, pop out some sprogs. But I think breaking up saved us a whole other world of heart ache down the line as over the years my opinions and what I want from life have changed radically. Someone asked me the other day how old I was my reply of 26 got me this response ''you should be married by now'' pfffffft and that ''you just havn't met the right one yet''. In truth I don't think i'll ever meet anyone that might make me question my views on 'settling down'' and second of all I did meet the right one I just chose to set him free. And he's happy as am i. Whilst settling down might be for some people like I say ivarious blogs its really not for me. I'm a lone soul baby.

Hope you're all having a rad week if you like it can you tick the reaction boxes and pass it on to your friends its so I can gage if your still enjoying my random ramblings of debauchery XOXO Kinky Cupcake

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