I have had an epiphany. Plain sailing relationships just aren't my cup of coffee. I need the kind of passion and the heat that is only ever found in creative types or you know people that I have nothing but blind hatred for, Suffice to say King Tart being a prime example of the latter. That's the kind of sex I want, the kind that makes my bedroom look like it gone done in by Miley and her wrecking ball.
But I also want the other stuff too, the staying up until stupid:AM talking about the stuff makes us tick etc the thing's that help pave the way to it becoming more than sweat soaked sheets. Yes that sounds like a massive contradiction compared to my posts a couple of years ago, I mean who knew I could actually be wrong. This crow is delicious.
As much as my recent ex and I were similar e.g shit at relationships on account of the commitmentphobia and being so emotionally retarded we found ways of making it work. We were poles apart when it came to the everyday stuff and so help me to fuckery I felt like giving him a thwack to well thwack the glazedness out of his eyes for his inability to feign even the slightest bit if interest in what I do for a living, it is important to me and if I can tolerate football on my tv and endure an entire game it's the least he could've done. I didn't decide to write to have a bitch about my ex, I broke up with him and it was very amicable and I know that because of that very sentence I did the right thing...there was no passion and despite sharing a host of kinks the spark just fizzled out because of how incompatible we were in other area's. Ok, I'll admit it, I'm a little sad because he was the only person that has ever liked me for the reason people usually detest me, which of course is my outspokeness, the way I always say how I feel or think and my distinct inability to sugar coat shit. But unfortunately it wasn't meant to be.
I have no doubts he will find someone. But I'm beginning to doubt the same will happen for me as I'm so difficult to like, so awkward and strange, the only analogy I can come up with is imagine trying to give a human sized star fruit a hug. I refuse to wear a lable but if I had to I'm pretty sure it would say bi-polar oh and queen of the blow jobs obviously.
I need passion back in my life. I have a riding crop on it's way to me but no one to use it with. So the question is where do I go to get it, my day's of working the club and going home with marines are over with, and Fetlife is out on account of my being all 'Embrace your kink check out Fetlife' to people I work with and the last thing I need them to know about is all of my weirdo kinks, it's bad enough they know about my penchant for fucking guys in the ass with my "Black mamba" as it is now known haha, without them knowing everything else. Suggestions please and until then I guess I'm left with my devine fantasies largely involving Charles Esten (the scrumptious looker that plays Deacon Clayborne in my lastest tv addiction Nashville) doing some pretty inventive thing's with a ruler Secretary style. If I break a lamp whilst having sex or get to give a blow job in the foreseeable future don't worry y'all be the first I tell.
Thing's I'm hating right now
That I'm turning thirty in 3 months
Thing's that I'm loving right now
That the above entitles me to a mid-life crisis waaay!
My new Etnies
A football free existence
And last but not least Devious Maids and Nashville (trash tv but it's soooo good)
Yours, sexually frustrated
Kinky Cupcake XOX